Eradicating Neediness

Credit/Ref: Catch Me If You Can with Leo and Tom.

In a recent discussion with an old friend about his approach to win over a girl, we stumbled across the age-old concept of wanting and neediness.  We’ve all been in that situation when we desperately “need” something from someone.  Our primal instinct kicks in, we start sweating, supplicating, pleading and ultimately, eliminating our chances of actually getting what we want.

We do this because we inherently believe that others will empathise with our needs and urgency.  However, your neediness is more of a ticking time bomb and your target (whether it be the girl of your dreams or the promotion you’ve been waiting for) will likely avoid it at all cost.  This goes back to the old adage that everyone wants what he/she cannot have.

As I sit there explaining this to my friend, we referenced the works of Oren Klaff and his 3 tips to eradicate neediness.

  1. Eliminating Desire
    1. This is perhaps the most fundamental and difficult step.  Approaching the conversation/target with an abundance mindframe liberates you from the primal instinct of wanting and all the physiological angst that accompanies it.  If you’re chasing after a girl, understand that there are currently MORE women than there are men in the world.  If you’re chasing after a deal, understand that we are living in a world filled with untapped opportunities and the cushiest bankruptcy laws in the world.
  2. Focus on your Strength
    1. Peter Drucker famously stated that to deliver outstanding results, you must focus on your strength.  It is much easier to jump from good to great than it is to go from bad to mediocre.  The point is, once you’re able to recognize and cultivate your strength, your perception of abundance will heighten and your target will respond to your new frame.
  3. Withdrawal
    1. As counterintuitive as it sounds, withdrawing from your target helps to create tension.  The key is to deliver this tension with a hint of frivolity.  This communicates to your target that you have an abundance of options and you will not supplicate to “win” this deal.  Be ready to walk away and DO walk away if the answer is no.

The world is a much safer place than you might perceive it to be.  Don’t let your desires trap you into silo.  Embrace the abundance of opportunities, social and financial safety nets.  Focus on doing what you’re good at and deliver your best frame forward.  Finally, be prepared to walk away if it’s not a good fit.
Reference:  Pitch Anything – Oren Klaff

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